Worst Lucky Chicken Ever

The universe and I have had our fair share do disagreements in the past.  Usually the Divine Being with the Fluffy Tail of Bitchslap and I deal in a give and take relationship. I give my blood, sweat and tears and in exchange I get a few table scraps from the Cosmic Feast of Divinity the the Fluffy One enjoys daily.  Sometimes those scraps are bits of filet mignon, and other times it's the gristly bits of the steak that no one wants.

Over the past seven or so years, I've been content with the lower quality scraps that fall my way.  I've been single and celibate for that amount of time with no intent on getting back onto that train.  I was "happy" with my work, my son, and my photography.  All of that changed a couple months back when I got the offer for. A coworker to use his fiancé as a model.

So, the table scraps jumped up in quality quite a bit.   Through the photography, she and I hit it off quite well.  As a photographer, I have a flirty nature.  As a fairly unattractive male, I pay that flirty nature no mind because no girl would ever react to it.  This girl was different.  Something clicked, and we became friends pretty quickly.  Over time, it evolved and we were doing more and more shoots together and the flirting became something more.  There began to be a tension in the air.  So, at a certain point, I said that we needed to discuss the big pink elephant in the room.

We discussed that there was something in the air.  We both acknowledged it and both agreed that nothing would ever happen.  At this point she was married and I am not the sort to intrude or disrupt a marriage.  I destroyed my own, and I would never do that to someone else.   I made up my mind that I would stick to that no matter what.  And I did.

As of writing this, nothing ever happened between us.  We never held hands, hugged, kissed, or anything beyond that.  Out physical contact was kept to a minimum and that's how it stayed.  That being said, we did some pictures at some point that someone found objectionable and it was brought to the lady's mother's attention.  After that, the hunt for blood began.

We cannot see each other any further, which is probably for the best.  I let my heart run wild.  I let my otherwise cold and bitter hear thaw and think that maybe I could have some happiness in my life.  I knew what I was doing was wrong, but the time I spent with her made me feel more alive than I had in years.  And so, as per the norm, the Divine Being of the Fluffy Tail smote me well and now I return to the life I led before; in solace and celibacy.

Of course, I say all these things and make it seem like I'm the only one suffering through this ordeal.  While I cannot speak on her feelings towards me, I know that many a tragedy has befallen her over the past month.   Some of it is my fault.   I caused much drama for her and I cannot apologize to her enough.  Some of it was brought about by the Cosmic Squirrel of Malice, and yet still some by jealous friends that couldn't have minded their own business.

So, the tl;dr version is:  I fucked up.  Let myself have feelings.  Fucked up a girl's life and lost a great friend.   Now I'm bitter and cynical once again.

The old Matt is back.  Be prepared.