Seriously. I've noticed that the lonelier you are, the more you blog. If you have no one to spend time with or anything else to occupy your time, you blog. You have to gossip or get your feelings out somehow, so you come to some dark corner of the internet to spew your word vomit into some datapile on the internet and hope that someday, someone will read it and find your words inspirational or some bullshit like that. It worked for me once.
So, I made the comment a while back that I like to live to a higher standard that most people. That I tend to act like I'm better than everyone, because I am. I realized today that I was a little bit wrong. After living in Fayetteville, the asshole of Fort Bragg, for all my life, I've grown up to despise the soldiers I see around here because they're usually the newly enlisted asshats that think they're just the hottest shit on the scene because they're military now. So, I've hated the military for as long as I can remember.
Today, during one of those random moments of clarity that the Divine Fluffy One bestows on me once in a while, I realized that while I may hate the soldiers I've run across, I'm not better than them. Sure, I'm pretty sure I'd lay down my life for someone I love, whether it be my son, or my family, my ex-wife, or even another, I don't think I could just randomly go out there and die for a faceless cause. I like to see the people I help, and if I'm gonna die, I want the person that I'm dying for to know what I did. I'm selfish like that. So for all the soldiers out there that are fighting and dying, serving or have served, enlisted or retired, I apologize for all the shit I've talked over the years. You are far better people than I will ever be. I'm just a single dad with a shitty job and no hope anymore. So I salute you all and wish you well.
Related to that note, all the fucking assholes that take advantage of the spouses or significant others of those that are deployed elsewhere and fighting and dying for us need to be castrated. I know a girl that would be happy to do it. I'm guilty of it as well. I made mistakes and took liberties with a girl who's husband had just gone off to basic training. While nothing was done physically, what I did was wrong. Emotionally, I got attached and caused issues in her life, so I am guilty and deserve whatever punishment comes my way. I will accept it. And, if the time comes where her husband confronts me, I will accept whatever physical punishment he throws my way without hesitation.
Hell, I'm about ready to just go out and get into a bar fight and take punishment just to make myself feel like I've made some sort of attrition for my transgressions. But I'm lazy and a wuss. I don't understand why people even talk to me.
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