Have you ever wanted to be part of a world that you don't belong in? Have you ever thought that maybe, somehow, you were born out of place or out of time? Maybe your values are far different than the generation around you. Maybe your ideas about politics are more old fashioned than current society. Or maybe, like me, your physical age has condemned you to being outcast from where your mental age thinks you should be.
Sometimes I feel like I'm too old for how I act. I almost wish I had been born 10 years later. But if I had, would I have the values I have now? Would I be the same person? Obviously I wouldn't, so I couldn't possibly be in the same situation I'm in now. Would I be a photographer? Probably not. I wouldn't have my son. Would I know the people who are most important in my life? Pretty sure I wouldn't. So, I guess I'm best off as I am.
Still, right now, I feel like I'm too old. I know 35 isn't ancient by any means. I'm a single dad. I have no social life. My attempts at photography yield little in the way of professional results, but they are by far some of the best times I can have. The wonderful girls that have allowed me to use them as models have given hope to this old geezer that maybe, if I try hard enough, I might actually be able to do something with this passion of mine.
And on the topic of passion, those that really know me (and I've mentioned in past blog posts), know that I'm an all or nothing kinda guy. If I get passionate about something, I devote everything to it. But if I feel, even a little, that the effort I'm putting into something is wasted, I'll back off quickly and reassess the situation. Right now, I'm at one of those points.
To be honest, there was gonna be a lot more, but I can barely see straight right now. I'm about to faceplant on my laptop and fall asleep. And goddammit Spotify... that was the wrong song to play at this moment. More later. Good night...
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