Back to work.

It's been a good while since my last entry. It's not that stuff hasn't been going on. I've just been too distracted to sit down and slap my thoughts on a bit of techno-paper. So, here I am, after a long work shift and tired as shit. Delirium, guide my hands!

First and foremost, work has been dominating my life. Many changes at the old pizza place since my last entry. I've been working my way up in the ranks and gathering more respect (yeah right!) from the rest of the crew. I honestly like this job a lot, and as with most things I like, I'm pouring everything into it. I just hope that this will yield better results than previous jobs.

On the family front, my son is evolving at an astounding rate. His learning skills amaze me, even if he does get distracted easily. His ability to navigate the video games I've gotten him shows me that his hand/eye coordination is good. Now if I can just get him to focus on whatever tasks are put before him, he'll be the new overlord of Chiron Beta Prime. And I'll still love him.

Apples are delicious.

I've managed to keep myself entertained in my off hours from work through my various hobbies. I've burned through a few anime series and keep zipping through more. Gundam 00 was my most recent conquest. Well, at least the first season anyway. I've started on the second and can't wait to watch more.

Video games have been the major time-killer recently. With Uncharted 2, Borderlands, Modern Warfare 2, Assassin's Creed 2 (Blegh!) and a few downloaded demos at my disposal, there definitely isn't a lack of stuff to play. Granted, Assassin's Creed 2 can suck mah bawls. I was so angry at that game that I highly doubt I'll play any further installments of the series.

There's much more to say, but it's late and I'm tired, so I'll wrap this up.

"So say we all."

A break of tradition

To any that have visited this page before, you'll have noticed my running theme of posting an image of a cute character at the end of each entry. Today will be an exception, and I'm sure you'll understand why.

As my first post to this journal was made, I was grieving the loss of my dog, Reina. We called her Puppy, because we were lazy and she didn't seem to mind. She was 13 years old and was as loyal a dog as I had ever known. I raised her, along with my family, from a puppy to the wonderful dog that she was at her death. She was the first dog I had ever owned long enough to have die of natural causes. Not that any other dog I've owned died any other way. My parents usually didn't like them at the time, and I was too young to argue with them. Nevertheless, Reina was my first 'full-term' dog. She'll be missed.

Now, as Reina was dealt with in the first post, I'm sad to say that I'm again mourning the loss of a dog. This one Butters (Whom we called Piggy because his little snout caused him to snort like a pig when he sniffed around), died far too young. He was no more than 5 years old, but died of the same disease that got Reina. And while Reina's death wasn't really a shock to me, due to her age and the gradual onset of whatever illness it was, I was expecting it. With Piggy, it was more sudden. I went out to feed him, and he had gone to sleep under a swing in the yard, and never woke up.

As I buried him, I couldn't help but feel guilt. Like, maybe I could have done something. Maybe I should have come outside and played with him more. Maybe I should've done more in the yard so that he could follow behind me stupidly. With Reina, I had done all that. We played, walked, wrestled, relaxed... but with Piggy, I dunno.. He was technically my mom's dog, but I tend to become pretty connected to most animals I come in contact with. Due to that, I feel responsible, and I just want to cry.

I'm gonna miss the stupid little fur ball. And despite being against organized religion, I can only hope that he and Reina are rompin' around in that backyard of an afterlife for dogs.

Rest In Peace Reina ...

Rest In Peace Piggy ...

"So say we all."

I won't lie. I've had a lot to drink tonight. I'm barely managing to stay upright in my chair. It took me half an hour to type all of this.

Honestly, I have no idea what I'm gonna post about. Things lately have been rather.. hectic. With the new position at work, I've been overwhelmed by long hours and loads of work. Granted, the pay is good, and that pay will help me in ways I can't even explain. Of course, it also means I'm away from home more, and because of that, I appreciate even more what I have at home. Absence makes the heart retarded and all that.

I've been playing Aion since its closed beta, and in my opinion, it's better than Warcraft. It could just be the fact that I've played WoW for 5 years and it's gotten stale and Aion is all bright and shiny. On a side note, why is Warcraft not busted by the spell checker but Aion is? It's a conspiracy!

I wasn't kidding about not being able to sit up straight.

No matter how I say this, it's gonna sound strange. I am an admirer of the female form. No matter who, or where, or why, or drunk, I can appreciate a fine female. However, that's discrimination. I can also appreciate a fine male just as much, and I have in the past. But what I'm saying is, if you're hot, you're hot, and I won't deny it. If you're cute, use it as much as you can. If you're me, well, get a job and earn money.

At this point.. I believe I have no idea what I'm saying.

"So say we all."

I'm sick.

Take that how ya will.

This morning I woke up all sniffly and sneezy and stuff. I'm sure I looked horrible after a night of a runny nose and sneezing constantly. It was one of those unpleasant moments where you just feel disoriented and dirty. It was almost like Kanye West was there.

Even now, I'm still sniffly and sneezy. Just took more NyQuil than a human should take in a normal week. I'm sure I'll be KTFO soon. However, this is only partially related to this post. Achoo!

On a seperate note, I've been 'single' for 3 years now. This also means I've been lonely for 3 years now. Any adult can add up where this particular locomotive of mental disaster is going. So, yes, I'll admit that I have a problem. I have a disease of the mind which is kinda like alcoholism. When people drink or do drugs, they say things that they normally wouldn't say. I know this from experience. However, in my case (and I'm sure it happens to more than just me), when that certain feeling of arousal/excitability (is that a word?) gets switched on, I also get that diarrhea of the mouth. Regardless of whether I think I'm in control or not, shit will flow out as soon as I open my mouth.

Luckily for me, my self-loathing keeps me away from females most of the time. Thus, the 'certain feeling' generally never arises in public (No pun intended). So, I'm spared from making embarassing remarks to girls I don't know that well. Of course, the downside is that the remarks get made towards a person or two that doesn't really care to hear it. Which leads me back to square one of ... well, I won't say the name of the game. But yeah. I'm sick in the head.

The last post I made was pretty much an extension of this particular problem. Hell, every post has had some connection to it. Let this be a warning. If you know me, or I know you, be afraid. Thoughts will be had. That is all.

"So say we all."

This post has no purpose...

... other than to jump straight to the 'Attractive Girl of the Post'. I'm bored, and don't really give much of a shit beyond that.

"So say we all."

Meh.

What do you do when you feel so strongly about something and yet you can do nothing about it? How do you keep from going crazy when you can't express the raging torrent of emotion inside of you?

This is one of those moments where all the negativity that I generally repress tends to swirl about in my head. Sometimes I want to lash out and let the puissance of my despite destroy everything that stands before it. There's more than one reason why the internet name Malice Mouser has stuck around as long as it has. Malice is a big part of me, and because of that, things generally don't go well, which breeds more malice. I am like a closed circle in many ways. What I was, I will be again. What I am will pass into what I will be until I become what I am again. I don't care if that sounds logical or not.

Of course, as tempting as expelling the venomous malice sounds, the backlash of such a release would simply create more issues that I dread to face. The outcome is a room hidden behind a closed door. The malice may open the door, yet what lies on the other side is uncertain. Either the light will be on or the room will be dark. The room may be dimly lit, or it may be in complete disarray. It may be vacant or welcoming. Such is the issue with Schrodinger's Cat. You can never know what's going to happen until you do something to force a response.

While this seems to sound logical to me at the moment, my sagacity isn't what I'd like it to be. So, despite the complaints and dark expectations of the future, I remain silent.

"So say we all."

It's been a long time coming.

After escaping from Arkham Asylum, I figured it was time to make a blog post that I had been meaning to make for quite a while. If you're wondering why I haven't made it before now, there are a few reasons why I chose this time. One, I've been drinking. Two, things can only be held back so long. Three, well, I have nothing to lose really.

To those that don't know me, I may seem like an asshole. There's good reason for that. I generally AM an asshole. The reasons for this vary from moment to moment, but the dominating reason is that I have a lot of stuff inside me that I hold back on a daily basis. Because I don't let this festering sore heal, I lash out at people as a minor relief to my own, self-inflicted, pain. I won't unleash all of Hell in this post, but I'll knock out a few of those pesky wraiths that haunt me.

First off, I'm not a racist person, really. I don't hate a particular race because of what they are. I do, however, hate particular GROUPS because of how they behave. However, because of the fact that I'm a whitey, anything that I might speak of would be construed as racist, and thus I am limited in my bitching about how some ghetto ass person in a trailer park was acting like a supreme dick/cunt.

Somewhat related is my complaints against work. I enjoy my job, but my bitching is limited due to the types of people that I work with. Again, this is not a racist comment, as I have complaints about all types of people. I just can't complain because I haven't been around long enough and most people would just as rather toss out a whiner than listen to them, even if the points are valid.

The majority of the demons fighting for dominance of my behavior are related to ..well, relationships, or lack thereof. My particularly pesky phantasms tend to revolve around memories of my ex-wife, and because of the precarious nature of such things, I am under geasato refrain from mentioning any of them aloud. Due to this mental restriction, I am usually in a fairly bitter and cynical frame of mind. At least 3/4 of the things I hold back on a daily basis fall into this category. Of course, even if I were to expel these ghosts from their comfortable residence, there's no guarantee which outcome would have been more preferable. Silence or satisfaction? Well, we'll never know.

For now, back to the Asylum.

"So say we all."

A fun one!

"Guilt is the price we pay willingly for doing what we are going to do anyway."

And that's pretty much dead on. Guilt is one of the more powerful and influential emotions that a person can run across, assuming you're a living, feeling human with a conscience. There are some that have no idea what guilt feels like, and I feel more sorry for them than the people that have to deal with guilt daily.

Guilt can change a person for a myriad of reasons. Guilt can crawl inside a person and lay dormant for any amount of time and then strike when least expected. It's a disease of the soul that can make people do things they wouldn't normally do. Let's explore.

Person A cheats on Person B in a relationship. From here, we can take one of four common paths. Person A confesses and feels guilty, Person A says nothing in lets the guilt eat away at them, Person A says nothing and Person B finds out on their own and then the guilt is that much worse for Person A, or Person A feels no guilt at all and is a heartless fucker that needs to die.

This post borders on the multiverse theory. The actions could be examined any number of ways and those actions lead to others to be examined and so on. I'll keep it simple.

Assuming Person A feels guilt, we'll assume that they said nothing and it lead to them feeling guilty in silence. So, now Person A is going out of their way to 'make it up' to Person B without them knowing what happened. So now Person B is being treated better, getting special gifts and generally feeling better about things. Person A is doing things for Person B that they usually wouldn't, but they know it makes Person B happy, so they do it.

I'm refraining from specifics to make it more accessible to anyone reading this. Also, we'll skip the obvious suspicion that is bound to arise from Person B when Person A starts behaving differently.

The point remains that guilt can turn people, either for good or bad. Think back and wonder how many times you did something (or someone did for you) that was based on feeling guilty. It's amazing how that adds up.

"So say we all."

Thyme Too Keel

I won't lie. I'm making this post simply because I have time to kill. Two hours before work and I have little else to do. So, I make this post for my own benefit because I could care less if anyone else reads it.

A quick summary of the dreams from the last 2 nights. Dream 1 was NyQuil induced. I was hired to work at a clothing store in a Japanese mall which was located on the moon..? The only way to make deliveries to Earth was to go outside and launch them into the air, hoping to beat the moon's gravity so that it sailed to Earth. Anyway, they started to train me and show me around. In the back room, they kept a Dwarven princess captive. Later, I conspired with some sort of monk to free the princess, or something. I woke up shortly after.

Last night's dream was just boring. It's not even worth mentioning except that it was one of those that would NEVER happen in real life. I do NOT ride passenger in my own car. Nor would I let a bunch of 'others' drive it.

I don't know if there's anything else interesting to post. I bought a few new games recently. Dynasty Warriors 6: Empires, Suikoden Tierkriss, Fat Princess (though that was just a download), and Cross Edge. Out of those four, I've played Dynasty Warriors the most, and I just bought it yesterday. Fat Princess is chaotic online fun. Suikoden I have yet to load into my DS, and Cross Edge is a fan service (not in the jiggly way) game that brings together characters from Capcom and a few other companies in an RPG on the PS3. The kicker is that they bring characters from games that no one cares about. I mean, Darkstalkers is all cool, but Atelier Marie? Mana Khemia? Disgaea? Meh.

So, yeah.. Hmm. Cutie of the Post. Lessee.

"So say we all."

It's been a few days..

..and there's reason for that. I started this blog for a few reasons, but in the past week or so, one of those reasons dwindled, as did stuff to write about. In any event, here's a post, albeit a small one.

Had another one of those unrealistic dreams. Well, that could be said for all dreams, but this was one of those that could happen in reality, but you imagine that they would not because of personal feeling. This one involved me having a house of my own with my son, then allowing his mother and her boyfriend or whatever move in as well. Now, not that they would even accept a deal if I offered, the point is that I wouldn't offer. We couldn't live together before, so now or the future is no different.

Second topic! I get picked on by my sisters because there's this girl that works at the nearby grocery store that has features that remind us (sisters and I) of my ex-wife. So, when I go to get something, and they're with me, they joke, "There's your girlfriend!". I just shrug it off really. She's cute and all, but I could tell that she was waaaaay too young. That got confirmed when one of my friends there said that she was indeed far too young. Even then, my sisters joke, "Well you like 'em young, don't you?". That used to be the case, and I would have considered dating a girl her age when I was 18, but now, that's like... the age difference between us is a full jail-bait BETWEEN the jail-bait.

Earlier today, my son amazed me with his vocabulary. When offering some watermelon to my sister's boyfriend, he remarked to me (as he already had some), "I'm just one man!". My son then looked at him and said, "If you duplicate yourself, you'd be two men!". Both Jeremy and I jawdropped at that. First the incident at the Chinese resturaunt, and now this..? This boy is gonna be awesome in school.

And with that, it's time for some more Gundam before bed. OH! Shit. Almost forgot the picture of the post! Triple threat!

"So say we all."

Strange Dreams, Again.

Last night was a rarity. I was in bed before midnight without aid of alcohol or medication. I guess, because of that, and the mass intake of food before bed, the dreams would be bizarre.

The dream, while seperated into two acts, was part of the same story. The first act involved my ex-wife (/waves) and that she had made a choice to come back and live with us (Us being me and our son). Now, while this isn't an abnormal dream, the strange part came in that I didn't really want it to be. Even in the dream, I didn't care. I guess that what they say about absence and growing fonder isn't true at all.

The second act was involved more directly with my son, but the strange part came in that somehow, he had a twin brother that I didn't know about? Completely possible, I suppose. I dunno. Dreams are weird. The most profound thing I could even say in the dream was, "Guess I need to get another car seat".

And it's not even noon yet. I'm sure this day is gonna be full of fun.

As for the balance to this slightly negative post... ! (It fits, trust me!)

"So say we all."

Another day...

So, yes, another day and another entry. This is one that I was thinking about yesterday but never got around to posting. I figured, since I had time to kill, and the feeling fresh in my mind, I'd go ahead and get this one out there. This post is about 'use and abuse'.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Well, at least since starting my new job. My previous job was one that was privately/locally owned, so there were no corporate rules or any sense of established protocol. With that being the case, there were a lot of things that went on there that weren't really right, but they were allowed to slide because the rules were made up as they went. Because of things like this, I, and others, were asked to do things that wouldn't normally be considered at a corporate place.

Examples:

The manager often had me play taxi for his baby's mother. Sometimes I would pick her up from a doctor's appointment, or take her. Sometimes I would have to run money out to his house for her. Sometimes I would have to take food to her. Nothing that I minded, too much. Of course, there were also little errands that I was asked to run. Post office, bank, local gym for a health shake and things of that nature.

The owner also asked things. Since I was the resident tech-guru at the place (a pizza establishment), I was often called on for tech support. Printers didn't work? Call Matt. Don't know how to wire your entertainment system? Call Matt. PS3 isn't working? Call Matt.

I did these things because I assumed that, in the long run, it would benefit me with some sort of respect at the establisment. I eventually rose to assistant manager, but even then, there was little appreciation for all the extra stuff I did. All the extra hours I worked, the days I stayed late when people called out, the extra cleaning I did, it all amounted to little when all was said and done.

After all of that, I was tossed out without even the consideration to TELL ME that I was fired. I recieved a text message stating that I wasn't needed anymore. Sure, they had mild reason to fire me, but to not even tell me to my face is what burns me.

And this carries over beyond work as well. I've been the type of person to do things for people when they ask, partially because I'm nice and partially because I'm one that believes if you do a favor, you recieve a favor. If I give you a ride somewhere as a favor, then perhaps later I may ask for a favor of.. gas money? Maybe lunch at some fast food place? Something minute. I generally don't ask for outrageous stuff in comparison with what I've given. It's not like I'll withhold my transportation services if you don't buy me a computer. So, I've never really thought of myself as being unfair. Until recently.

No, I don't mean that I acted in a manner that I believed was unfair or out of balance with the 'Equivalent Exchange' philosophy. I just realized that, regardless of what I do, regardless of anything, there are gonna be occasions when no compensation is given, when no gratitude is shown for all the hard work, when no consideration is, or will ever be, shown. So, in realizing this, I had continued to do extra stuff for people, partially expecting something in return and partially realizing that I was a flaming idiot for expecting anything at all.

What this means, in a nutshell, is that I've pretty much decided to NOT do extra stuff for people. No non-paid extra stuff at work, no favors around the house without some sort of compensation, etc...

"So say we all."

Koi da! Paniku!

It amazes me how much I have to say when I think I have nothing to say. Yet another entry in this blog that I'm never going to use. I've had time to think a lot today while wandering the mall, waiting for my car to finish being serviced.

Side Note: Amazing how many cute girls were out and about today.

Anyway, on to the real meat of this post. The above statement does have relevance, but only in a minimal sense. For behold, this post does not focus on the real, but the unreal!

I've been reading a lot lately, as well as watching anime, TV, movies, playing video games, and all the other things that devour the time that I have. During the time that I spend reading or watching or playing, my mind interacts with various characters in those various forms of media. This is what this post is about.

For as long as I can remember, I've had a fascination, or connection, with characters that don't exist. Sometimes, I identify with fictional characters more than reality. I wish those character were real, because I feel that I could get along with them far better than anyone that I could encounter in the real world. I know, of course, that those characters were created with a certain 'type' in mind, so they are far from real and far from 'complete'.

Even with that thought in mind, I often found myself wishing that I could, for lack of a better phrase, "meet a girl like that". Watching a movie or reading a book, I wished I could be that douchebag in the movie that is so blind when he's talking to the girl, because I would do things differently. I'd show her how much she meant to me. I wouldn't say the stupid shit, even if everything I just said was stupid.

The basic point I'm trying to make is that reality holds little appeal for me. I have my son, and he is my anchor to reality. Were it not for him, I'd spend the majority of my days immersed in fantasy, because reality sucks. I live in my imagination most of the time because I've lost that glimmer of goodness that I used to see in the world. Love in the real world won't happen again, because I won't let it. Reality is... real.

Looking back on what I typed, I realize that I sound like a complete tool that needs to be bitch-slapped into Oblivion. Still, that's how I feel, and I don't see any changes any time soon.

Also, I decided that my ending pictures will be cute/attractive characters (to me), male or female. They shall appear in no particular order of preference. They will be whomever is freshest in my mind.

"So say we all."

This is ridiculous.

This post will be chaotic, so try to keep up. Vomit bags are located near the entrance you came through. If you don't know where that is, you're fucked. Don't worry though, because if you puke on yourself, someone on the internet will find it hot. That's the wonder/horror of this generation.

When I was initially approached to start this blog, I declined the idea quickly. I thought that I would not have enough to say or enough desire to make more than one post a month. I figured there was little point to writing anything that really wasn't going to be read by more than one person. Still, here I am writing to sate my own wandering mind.

As those familiar with my behavior know, when I decide to do something, I dive in headfirst and throw all caution and sensibility to the wind. This has been evident in many situations. World of Warcraft was one situation where I would join a guild and dedicate everything I had to that guild. I was convinced that was it. That was the guild for me, forever. Eventually, I learned I was wrong. I moved on, found another guild, and thought that was it. That was the guild for me, forever. Wrong again. Lather, rinse, repeat.

So, with this miniscule example, you would think that I would be more cautious, right? Nope. I tried another MMO, and I enjoyed it, and said that was it. This is the MMO for me. WoW holds nothing for me anymore. I cancelled my WoW account and swore my fealty to the new Power. That fealty lasted 3 weeks.

Again, you would think that I would learn, but again, you would be wrong. Lately, I've been watching Ranma½, and since I've started, I've gotten the soundtracks out, started searching for wallpapers and various other methods of extending my preternatural obsession with this series yet again. I know that I'll devote a lot of time to this series thinking that it will be my favorite, forever, and I'll be wrong eventually.

One person that knows how far my obsessions can go is my former counterpart, as she witnessed them firsthand. So this behavior is in no way new, and it's bound to get me in trouble one day. The most recent example, aside from Ranma½, is my new job. I'm convinced that this is it. This is the job for me, forever. I've thrown in my lot and cast the die and all that jazz. We'll see how long this lasts.

In closing, I'm an obsessive jerk. Keep that in mind, always.

Also, for the moment, my closing images will be related to anime, since that has been a massive part of my life for over 15 years. I haven't determined which path to take on a permanent basis, but today's image will relate to the post.

"So say we all."

So soon, another?

"Dreaming is like -- it's like being a slave. Your dreams come out of all the parts of you that you don't have any control over. That's why -- that's why madness is the only danger."

I read the above passage today as I was reading through a series of books for the second time, and it struck me because the dreams of last night altered my perceptions. Nothing major was impacted, but there are those dreams that happen and seem real and they lead you to believe things during the dream that linger on when you wake up.

Specifics are unneccesary, nor will I give them, but the effect has lead me to believe in that passage. Truly, dreams can lead to madness. They are, in my opinion, a form of madness.

Though, looking at this post, without specifics or even mild details, I find this entry lacking. However, to give specifics would give an insight into my personality that I am not willing to have judged in any way, because I believe that those aspects are what sets me apart from others of my gender. In a way, it could be considered atavistic. A throwback to the days when men were chivalrous and cared for women in a way other than sexual releases. Of course, even then, that didn't describe every male, but the code of chivalry was more prevalent then than in today's society. Of course, by that, I mean that it doesn't exist today.

With that, I shall wrap this up. Time draws short before work, and I want to rest a bit before dedicating myself to the service of the populace. However, before I go, my former counterpart started a wheel turning in my head. As she ends all her blog posts with a picture of a kitten, I have considered something of my own to end each little post I make. I have ideas, but nothing definitive. I am up for suggestions, but make no promises on what will be accepted.

Ramblings of a Forlorn Heart

There were so many topics that I had initially intended to be the subject of this post, and when I have time, I'll get around to them. However, today will focus on the subject of something I hate to love and love to hate: Love songs. Not just the typical love songs, but even the off-the-wall songs that attempt to convey love, but fail, at least in my opinion.

Let's start with the song that pretty much inspired this train of thought. "Right Now (Na Na Na)" by Akon. Don't ask why I was listening to it. Let's just get to the point. The song tries to convey that he misses the girl that he used to date and wants to get back together with her. Now, the basics are that the relationship went sour and bad stuff happened, but to sing "I wanna make love right now (na na na).." is a bad way to say that you really miss someone. It seems like you wanna get your rocks off more than anything else.

Which brings me to the second song, "No Surprise" by Daughtry. It's a love song in a very loose sense, because he sings about how the relationship is over and it's 'no surprise' that it happened. However, he sings that the relationship was wonderful while it lasted.

That short paragraph above is basically what made me start to consider the reason I utterly despise love songs. Relationships don't last forever. Sure, you may love someone after the relationship is over, but you will most likely never get back together with that person. Even if the option came up, would you really want to? The relationship ended for a reason, whatever it may have been. There is no guarantee that whatever it was wouldn't happen again.

I point this out for a few reasons. I look at relationships (now) as an 'enjoy it while it lasts' kind of thing. When it's over, it's over. I used to wish for second chances, but I realize that I'm not gonna change, so all the mistakes I made in the past will be made again, so I'd rather not put any girl through that again, let alone the same girl.

While I am often found bitching about not having people to share the things I enjoy or even having someone to share ANYTHING with, most of the time I realize that it's better off this way. Sure, being alone blows, but considering my situation, it's the way it should be. Having to juggle a job and a child leaves little time for anything else except in the wee hours. I wouldn't really have it any other way.

That's a lie.

I buried my dog yesterday.

A strange way to start this journal off, I know. However, there is reasoning behind this. It marks the first time in over 10 years that I haven't had a canine companion of sorts. It's going to be strange not hearing her barking in the backyard, or scratching at the door when there's a thunderstorm, or seeing the area we buried her in. A strange way to start this journal indeed.

I also started a new job this week. This is reason to rejoice, since I had been unemployed since September of last year. I have high hopes for this job, and though my body is slow to accept having to do actual work, I'm happy thus far. It will be good to have money again, and even better to have a reason NOT to sit on my ass all day, which I have been known to do, on occasion.

On a note that strays completely away from endings and beginnings, let us speak of dreams. I'm not referring to goals or hopes, but those nocturnal (or diurnal) movies in the mind. My theory on dreams is that they are the body's way, through the mind, of making sure that everything works right. Different dreams test different things. A nightmare, of course, tests fear and adrenaline release. If you don't get scared often, the body has to check to make sure you still can be. Romantic dreams test to see if you can still feel that way. These dreams are especially common amongst those that don't feel romantic very often during the waking hours.

With that said, I find it strange that over the course of last night's dream sessions that I had both a nightmare and romantic dream. Oddly enough, one blended right into the other. Of course, as is the way with such things, the romance far outweighed the nightmarish visions. I almost hated to wake up. If I ever find that girl in real life, she and I are gonna have to talk.

So, today is about half over, and tomorrow is a day off. I'll have to cover the burial site with stones to prevent and disturbance of the soil, by children, dogs, or other diggy type animals. So, for now, this first entry is complete.

Next entry will probably be more of what can be expected. That is to say, anger and cynicism and other such fun stuff.