Not by a long shot.
I know I haven't posted in a while. At least, not by recent standards. I realized that I posted more entries in the month of November alone than I did all of last year. I guess I've had a lot built up over time. Now I'm running out of things to say. With this year drawing to a close, I figure it's time to start thinking about what needs to change in the coming year.
First off, I want to state that my drinking recently is not BECAUSE of any one person. It's not because someone BROKE me. It is the fault of no one but myself. I have an addictive personality, and when I find something I like, I tend to go all out. Since I rediscovered that I could drink, that part of me has come back in full force. I used to drink all the time, by myself, with friends, social or not, it didn't matter. By definition, that's an alcoholic. So why do I do it? Because it makes me feel like not me. And not me is who I wanted to be when I began drinking. Yes, I hit a rough patch for a while and it started me on this train, but I could have chosen to get off at any point, but I keep going. Now, I need to find a reason to stop. That's where the problem lies. It's not WHY do I drink, but WHY SHOULDN'T I drink?
Also, we're drawing up on Christmas, which has become a rather lonely time in my family. It's just my immediate household now. Mom, Dad, me and my son. Sisters are far away. No other family to care about nearby. No friends. I always get nostalgic around this time of year. The music, the smell of burning wood in the cold winter air, the clear night sky... It all reminds me of my youth and the Christmas holidays that I spent at different family events. It's kinda sad to know that my son will likely never have that. We have each other, and that's probably how it'll stay for a few more years, until he finds a girlfriend.
I know this is a short post, but the hour draws late, and the alcohol runs low. Also, I'm old and lazy. So, I end this here.
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