Intermission

The last post was a 'poem' that I had written years ago.  It was written long before my marriage, long before my current situation, and will probably hold relevance long after this has passed.  I was going through my old book of poetry that I put together over the course of 6 years.  I just picked that one out to start with.

Right now, I've had a lot to drink.  More than I've had in 5 years.  Typing is hard to do, but isn't everything?  So, I'm typing out my thoughts in an attempt to remember what's going through my head right now, so when I wake up tomorrow or some time in the future, I'll look at this and say, "What the fuck was I thinking?"

But yeah.  Things have gotten physically better in the past few months.  My stomach isn't rebelling against me as much as it used to.  My medication is working fine.  I've got more energy than I used to have.  However, on the mental side, I'm drained.  I'm emotionally fucked, mentally drained, and overall a clusterfuck of feels.  I'm tired all the time, unless I'm actively engaged in some sort of project like work or hobby.  If I'm not at work or out on the town, I'm lying in bed, asleep or watching Netflix.

I made the mistake of feeling again, which I've stated over many recent blogs.  But I feel it's time to put that behind me.  I've told her so.  It's best for both of us, and I can tell she's already put it behind her.  That's good.  Granted, I can't help but feel a tinge of sadness, but it's for the best.  I won't put myself in that situation again.  Photography is done, so I won't be getting involved with models again.  I'm going back to the old ways of me, my son and my job.