16 Days

16 Days left in this dreadful year.  I'll be happy when it's gone and I'll take everything from this year and put it behind me.  I'm gonna pretend like this year never happened.  Next year, I'll start over fresh and hopefully things will go different.

Last post I mentioned that my drinking wasn't because of any one reason and that I have an easily addictive personality.  More and more, it's becoming true.  Or, rather, it's getting worse.  I'm drinking every day now.  Alone, obviously.  Money I could be spending elsewhere is going towards alcohol.  If I'm out, then it's a priority to get more.  I have a problem, and I need to deal with it.  I need to take a stance and call it quits.  Drop the bottles and be done, just like with relationships and friendships.

More and more lately, I've been feeling the anger building.  I know part of it has to do with the alcohol.  In combination with the antidepressants, it has the tendency to cause that reaction.  However, there are other factors at work and I'm losing my cool more often.  I lost my temper at work the other night and nearly made an employee quit.  I shut one guy up just by looking at him because I was that pissed.  I could feel my face burning and my mouth was far too slow to keep up with the torrent of hate that was flowing from my brain.

I'm not proud of myself, and I don't like what I've become over these last months.  But as I said, 16 more days and I'm done with this year and everything that came with it.