..but when I do, it's nothing important.
So I made a TMITuesday post yesterday that revolved around sexual deviance. Today, I make a post that is similar in nature.
Some time last week I heard about this "condition" called hyper sexuality. Long story short, it's when someone thinks about things of a sexual nature a lot. Now, it goes withough saying that most guys think about sex a lot. My issues are a bit different. I am an admirer of the female form. I've stated this before. Generally, I'm not the kind of guy that lets my gaze linger when a girl walks by or is standing in front of me. I'm shy and prone to blushing if a cute girl says anything to me.
However, there are times when I'm like a different person. It's like a werewolf transformation. At completely random times, I'll have moments where I feel like an animal, and today was one of those times.
Today, a girl came up to me. Not by choice, really. I was at work, so I just happened to be the one she was stuck talking to. Anyway, I felt anxiety well up inside of me. I couldn't really say why. I saw this girl, tight fitting shirt, thing enough to see the zebra print bra or bikini top beneath it and shorts that barely covered her ass.
I could feel my face starting to flush as she left. Most guys would look at a girl like that and appreciate her for being a fine looking female. Myself? I imagined someone else dressed in that outfit and I was overcome.
So as a throwback to yesterday's post, I have an obsession. I say I am an admirer of the female form, and that is true. However, there is only one female that I admire, and every girl I see will forever remind me of her. And one day, it will probably drive me insane.
So, Diablo 3 launched about 15 hours ago. I've played for a total of 3 hours thus far. Currently, the service is down for fixin'. Yay Blizzard. So here's a TMITuesday blog post!
Honestly, I have an obsession. The obsession has a name. She knows about it. Anyway, the point of this is that it's TMITuesday, which means you all get to know something you didn't really care to know! So, my obsession is with a particular girl. That isn't unusual in itself, but the weird part is that I'm not obsessed in a way that most guys would be. Most guys would be all over a girl because she's hot or sexy or both. They'd wanna do things to her wherever they could. Me? While the idea of that is awesome, that's just what I enjoy. The ideas. The fantasies. I don't want to do those things, I'd rather watch others do them. I'm a hands off kinda guy.
Long story short, I enjoy watching other people have sex with this particular girl. I'm a freak. I know. There have been times I've gone out of my way to assist other guys in their relationships with her in the hopes that I get to watch.
So, there ya go. More information than you wanted or needed for your TMITuesday!
So, this is an odd occurrence. I made a post last night, and here I am again. Different reasons, and yet, the same. Apparently, the issues that I mentioned last night are affecting me more than I thought. Last night's dreams were rather upsetting. So, let us dive into that.
The majority that I remember involves my former wife, ex-wife (or however you wanna say it), and I relaxing on the bed, watching movies and having a good time. We were just having fun, enjoying each other's company, and that was all we needed. Beyond that, I don't recall much of this particular dream. It was a great feeling, and I realized when I woke up how much I missed that. I guess I lie to myself on a daily basis by saying I don't want a relationship, but I honestly don't think I could handle one. And I guess that makes it more sad.
The second dream involved me wandering the streets of a familiar neighborhood, trying to get somewhere, but being unable to. Each path was blocked by deep water. I couldn't get across or around. Eventually, I ended up falling in and drowning. That's where I woke up. No clue what that one was supposed to signify. Dreams are weird things.
But this is a short post. One, I'm posting this from my iPad, and it's not really fun to type on this. Two, I'm at work, so I have to pretend like I care. Three, not much has happened since the post from last night. If that changes, I'm sure another post will be made.
I have a problem. Well, I suppose that's an understatement. I have multiple problems, but I'm only here to address a few of those. This may change as I go along with this post. It all depends on how I feel at any given moment.
First off, the past few days have had me in a mood that absolutely despise being in. Despite KNOWING that I'm in a bad mood, despite KNOWING that I don't want to be in said mood, despite KNOWING that I'm being a dick, I can't stop. I don't know if it's because deep down I WANT to be an asshole, or it's just built up frustration, or maybe I'm just lashing out at the world because something else pissed me off. I'm not sure. This leads me into my first problem.
I'm an asshole. I know this. I don't try to hide it. I don't try to play nice. If I'm in a bad mood, you're damn sure gonna know about it. If I'm annoyed/angry/agitated with you, believe me, you'll be able to tell. The funny thing is, THAT'S not the problem. The problem is that I desire acceptance from everyone, but I don't really WANT acceptance. I want to feel needed, appreciated, but I don't want to be close enough to anyone to let that happen. I've got the hedgehog's dilemma:
"The hedgehog's dilemma, or sometimes the porcupine dilemma, is an analogy about the challenges of human intimacy. It describes a situation in which a group of hedgehogs seek to become close to one another in order to share heat during cold weather. They must remain apart, however, as they cannot avoid hurting one another with their sharp quills. Though they all share the intention of a close reciprocal relationship, this may not occur for reasons they cannot avoid."
I've been burned before. I've been screwed over. I don't want friends because they only use you for a while until they can screw you over and then they just cut contact and go off to laugh about what a dumbass you were. So, despite wanting to be wanted, needed, I don't want anyone around me. That's another reason my Facebook friend list is less than 20. I honestly can't stand the majority of people, and definitely don't understand how they can stand me.
Continuing on with that, I have an intense desire to be social, but only with a select few people. When I'm in contact with said people, my mood is generally brighter. Like any drug, the longer you're off it, the worse the effects are until you just don't care anymore. Still, the withdrawals are a bitch, and I usually am as well.
Moving on from that point, we broach the topic of attachments. I form the weirdest attachments sometimes. Have you ever read a book or played a game and just fallen in love with a character? Like, to the point where you were sad when the whole experience was over because you would never have adventures or what have you with that character again? Probably not, but I do that from time to time. Currently, I have an unhealthy attachment to ...
I did a massive binge on Mass Effect, starting with the first game and burning all the way through to the third. The adventure was amazing. The ending... well, leaves a lot of unanswered questions. Still, playing through, I can't imaging my character romancing anyone but dear Tali'Zorah. Honestly, the choices are no-brainers. In Mass Effect 1, you had Ashley Williams or Liara T'Soni. Ashley looked horrible, and Liara's entire race is... extra equipped. That's not my bag. So, I skip the relations in that game and start courting Tali in the second game. There, you have genetically enhanced porn star Miranda, psychotic bitch Jack, or minor characters of no importance aside from being turned into human puree at some point. So Tali is my choice there. Then the third game comes along and offers a fuckton of options, but it's still Tali all the way. I ramble. I apologize. I caught her cheating on me...
Regardless. Going back to the beginning of this, I've been in a foul mood lately. I know what some of the reasons are, but I won't do anything about them. So, whatever. I close with a song.
This won't be one of my normal posts. I won't rant about something meaningless. I won't be making crude jokes or sexual innuendos. I'll keep my language tame and I'll make my point as best I can. This will be a post of serious observation.
We all have known at some point or another a person in our lives that strives for the best. They have goals and aspirations that they wish to achieve. The reach for the stars and beyond to improve themselves, their lives, their surroundings, or something else altogether. For whatever the reason, these people aim higher than most of us, and it's to that person that this is dedicated.
In all the time I've known you, you've always been reaching high. You've wanted to go above and beyond what you were and become more. You aimed for the stars in the hopes of becoming one. You wanted to be a celebrity in some fashion and set out to make that dream a reality. You've had your rollercoaster of successes and failures, but that has made you who you are. That person is my best friend and the only woman I will ever truly love.
We may have our disagreements and skirmishes, but getting beyond those has made us what we are, and I'm honestly very happy with that. I can't ask for a better partner in crime. I've watched you grow and bounce through many phases through our history, and I've had laughs and tears throughout. There were moments of pride and moments of fear and moments where I didn't even know what to expect.
Despite all of this, you're still reaching. You've set yourself up for a life that will bring you freedom and happiness. You're honestly more happy than I've ever seen you, even in the early days. Your goals are there, and I'm going to be there to cheer when you reach them. You continue to reach up keep aiming for the stars, but there's no need to become one. You already are a star, at least to two people. We love you, and we're proud of you, even if we don't always know how to say it.
So, all that said, I'll steal a cue from you, but I won't post lyrics, because they screwed me up before, hence why I'm on draft 2.
This will be a first. I'm going to be doing the majority of this post from my iPad, so forgive me if it comes off a little wonky, or there are typos, or it randomly autocorrects something I don't catch. So, that being said, let us get on to the weird stuff.
Sexism. I don't really discuss that topic a lot. Main reasoning behind that is that I'm a guy, so it doesn't really concern me all that much. Still, there are times when even I, as an adult-ish male have to shake my head in disdain at how certain things are perceived. So, being that this is me, we shall relate this to things that interest me. Video games and anime.
Let me start with my most immediate examples. First off, the Dynasty Warriors series is like crack to me. Currently, I'm playing both Dynasty Warriors Next and Dynasty Warriors Xtreme Legends. It's no secret that in games female characters are always portrayed to be sex objects. Sex sells. I get that. However, there are a few times when this goes overboard. So, with Dynasty Warriors, there is a character named Lian Shi, supposedly the most mature of the females in the game. I suppose that they use this as an excuse to give her a pair of breasts that are of such a size that smaller women (like Xiao Qiao and Da Qiao) should be sucked into the gravitational pull of those celestial orbs. If that weren't bad enough, her default outfit has a skirt that is so short that the act of riding a horse causes her to flash the entire battlefield. Granted, it may work as a distraction to the enemies, but I'm sure there are a few distracted soldiers on her side as well.
Then, on the opposite end of the massive mammary spectrum is a character by the name of Bao Sanniang. Not as endowed as Lian Shi, she sports a slimmer physique, but her attire and breast size are still out of proportion for someone that leaps around as she does in the game. And I'm pretty sure sports bras weren't military issue in the Three Kingdoms era.
And then there's Soul Calibur 5. I'm sure everyone has seen the marketing on this game, using Ivy's tits as a poster. According to the game's story, Ivy is supposed to be 47 at this point. Really? 47? This?
So, enough with games. There's tons of stuff to support the sexism in games point. I didn't even bring up Bayonetta. Great game.
So, on to anime. Again, nothing new in this area, but one I felt that I needed to point out was in this "final" season of Bleach. Orhime has always had large breasts by the standards of the other characters in the show, like Rukia, Tatsuki and Soi Fon, but this last season has increased her chest as much as Ichigo's power level.
As with my last post discussing the decline of the anime industry in America, I reiterate that it seems Japan's belief is that people will only watch anime if there are massive sweater yams on every female character. I suppose I understand the mentality of giving the horny boys what they wanna see, but not everyone wants "Eiken" (I'm not even gonna link that one) style breasts in their face.
But yeah. The trick of using overly sexed female characters to sell games is nothing new. Hell, I fall for that trick all the time, even KNOWING what they're doing. And I spend most of the time using the very characters I'm talking about. I'm a guy. I can't help myself. Sexism is there, I can't deny it, but I also can't fight it. But right now, I'll leave off on this rant about ta-tas with some Dynasty Warriors awesomeness, and then the usual closing image.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. I understand that, but when the general consensus of opinion is contradictory to my own, does that make me wrong? Does that make me a bad person, to be shunned and despised by all for what I think? As you're reading this, you're probably thinking, "No, that doesn't make you a bad person.", but let's get into specifics. That's how I deal.
First off, let me start with the most egregious sin. I did not dislike Episodes I, II, or III of the Star Wars saga. Sure. Hayden Christensen was a shitty actor in the 2nd and 3rd parts, and Jar Jar Binks was a pile of shit, but other than that, it did not tromp on my childhood or make me curl up and cry. I do not hate George Lucas for allowing these movies to come into existence. I do not consider them to be the pinnacle of science fiction theater, nor do I put them down there with Battlefield Earth. So there is that.
Second, and I do this one next simply because of the immediate effect, I enjoy watching Bleach. The anime, not the cleaning agent. Granted, there were some parts that I could have done without, otherwise known as filler arcs. But the main story was good, and apparently I'm about a month out from the absolute end of the anime. The manga will apparently continue for a while, but the anime ends next month. There is a cry of HUZZAH from many across the internet, which I don't understand. They vilify Bleach as being long and drawn out, where characters fight for episodes on end and half of the episode (exaggerated) is recap from the previous one. Yet, these same people will sing the praises of Naruto, Dragon Ball, and One Piece. Fucking One Piece? Really? I can see the appeal of Naruto. I watched Dragon Ball up until Freddie Mercury Vegeta in GT, but fucking ONE PIECE? The dude ate some magic gum and has rubber arms or something! Only thing I remember about One Piece aside from that is a hotel room in Raleigh at an anime convention back in 2004, and I wasn't watching the TV.
Third, and this one is a sore point for me simply because that when I like something, I really like it. I pour all of my being into and cannot understand when someone else doesn't like it. I suppose that puts me in the same box with some of the creatures I don't like, but I'm not out trashing your shit and praising its demise daily (unless it's Twilight. I don't get it.). This is about the Wheel of Time. The final book releases in January next year, and I read an article about it on Topless Robot (a horrible source to use, but...). Here is a small excerpt:
"Good news for you poor bastards who are still slogging through Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series -- the final novel now has a release date. The Memory of Light will be released on January 8th, 2013, written by Brandon Sanderson from Robert Jordan's massive pile of Cheetos-stained notes for his dawdling, misogynistic fantasy epic. Admittedly, I stopped reading Wheel of Time after the sixth volume, Lord of Chaos, in which nothing happened over the course of 700 or so pages -- so I don't know if Sanderson has stayed true to Robert Jordan's original vision of a magical land where women are only bitches or sluts (although they tend to switch in-between books). All I know is that Robert Jordan died with both hands stuck in Pringles containers. And that I won't be reading The Memory of Light in 2013."
I lied. That's the whole article. However, the comments that followed were mainly derogatory towards the series and writer, and again, defending things like Twilight and Dance of Dragons or whatever. Someone said, "If I wanted to read a story about a young naif being chased from his country home by terrifying black-robed figures on horseback, I should just go read "Lord of the Rings" again."
Now, I know this puts me in the villain category again, but I got fucking bored with Lord of the Rings. I could not read the books. The movies were good, but the books were like a literary sedative. It's like Ghost in the Shell, but that's a whole different story.
I understand the whole 'Different Strokes for Different Folks' idea. But sometimes it just seems as if I'm the 1 out of 100 that enjoys something. That's why I don't watch TV, because when I find a show I like, it gets cancelled. That's why I wait until about 2 seasons in before I start watching something.
Anyway, there are many more examples I could use, but I'm gonna call this post done for now. I have a Playstation Vita in my possession, which means that sales will drop and they will discontinue production of them shortly. So, I'm gonna go enjoy this while I can.
