Anyway, I've been in a bit of a funk for the last few days. I've recently transferred out of a store I've worked at for over a year and back to a store that's closer to home. The pros are that I'm closer to home and it'll save me gas. The cons are that I'm away from something I became familiar with over the course of my time there. I got used to the customer base. I got used to the location. I got used to the people. And I'm gonna miss some of that. I don't really like change. In fact, it outright upsets me.
So, with that change going on, and the change in medication every so often, my mental state is in somewhat of a fucked flux. At some times, I'm fine. Some times I'm a little loopy. Some times, like now, I'm pretty down. I've got that feeling of being unwanted, unneeded, unnecessary and undesirable. It doesn't help that I really have no one to talk to anymore. I guess that's one thing that always balanced out the negativity in my mind. Of course, I understand why I don't have anyone to talk to, and that's because life moves on. No one can stay in the same place forever, no matter how much I want. So, now I'm just dealing with life on my own. Myself and my son who, as much as I love him and he loves me, isn't really the best conversationalist. He keeps me sane, and insane at the same time. That's the life of a parent, I guess.
On the note of the above, I've been having a lot of dog dreams lately. I'm not sure where they're all coming from, other than the fact that I want a dog. I dunno. I guess it falls back on the desire to be needed. And yes, I know that my son needs me, and he will always have me until one of these medications kills me. But still, who doesn't want a cuddly little ball of fluff and adoration?
Hopefully this new medication (once I can afford to get it) will do the trick. I hate feeling like this, and having no expressive outlet. Anyway, on to the end of the post.
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