Because I'm that awesome.

I only used that title because it was the last phrase to come out of my mouth before I started typing.  Honestly, I'm only here because I can't vent my true feelings on Facebook.  Honestly, I can't vent my true feelings anywhere but here.  This is the only place no one reads.  So, my thoughts are safe here.

Truth is, my depression is getting worse.  I mean, worse and worse.  It's been almost 6 years since I've been jobless.  I hate not being employed.  The fact that I'm "suspended, pending investigation" isn't a termination, so I can't draw unemployment while I wait.  It's a limbo where they're trying to force me to quit so they can be clear of any wrong doings.  I won't give them the satisfaction.

In other news, my ex-wife is pregnant and due in a few months.  Guess that explains why she hasn't spoken with me in months.  Ah well.  My son is excited to have a sibling, even if it is only by half.  So, she's back in my life.  Not a bad thing, just awkward at the moment.  Gonna have fun discussing that with my psychiatrist tomorrow.

But really, I feel worthless.  I feel like no one needs me.  My son only comes to me when he wants food.  Even when I try to spend time with him, he'd rather play on his computer and iPad.  My parents are anti-social as hell and barely even talk to each other.  I tried to have a joking conversation today and my step-dad basically tried to start an argument.  I had to walk away, letting my meal get cold, and wait for them to finish eating before I ate my food.  I know the lack of a job has put a great burden on the home, but fuck.  Maybe I should just off myself before Domino's has the chance to fire me so my son can get the life insurance.

You don't need a title.

Yesterday was acceptance.  Today the depression set in.  Like, I'm really unemployed.  I have no job.  No means to support myself or my son, over some trivial bullshit.  And now, I have to make a new start because some petty bitch who got caught committing a federal offense decided to throw anyone she could under the bus.  Karma is a bitch you fucking whore.  I hope you get everything you god damn well deserve.  You didn't just screw me, but my son and all the others affected by your petty behavior.

I haven't done a lot of blog entries since I stopped having feels.  Back since the last time I let myself fall for someone.  Not much has changed aside from employment.  Well, I did discover that my ex is alive and doing better.  That's a relief to me.  My son is a genius.  Beyond that, I have to find a new job.

Articulation isn't my strong point right now.  Perhaps tomorrow, after I've had some sleep.