So, I know I talk a lot of talk. I know I say a lot of things. A lot of the time, I mean what I say, because I have no one to impress. The rest of the time, I'm lying for exactly the same reason. I have no one to impress.
I pretend not to care what people think about me, but I do. I want to be accepted. I want to be liked. I suppose that's why I've been having such a hard time these past few months. I'm about back to where I was before the situation started, but not quite. I'm more back to the self-destructive ways of about 4 years ago. I guess everyone deals in their own ways.
I'm tired of being alone. Plain and simple. I thought for a long time that I didn't need or want a relationship. Now, I look back at the last 7 years and wonder if I should have scrapped that attitude and tried. I keep dreaming about having someone to hug and cuddle and all that sappy stuff. When I wake up, I'm alone, and it's starting to bother me.
I suppose that I've convinced myself that I'll be alone because no one will ever wanna be with a guy like me. But that's not just it. I've got such ridiculous standards for what I'd like in a partner that I'm just fighting an uphill battle. I don't even know why I'm venting this. It's not like anyone will read it until after I'm dead and someone goes looking for a reason that it happened.
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