Here we are again. It's that time. Why? I don't fucking know. I just had the urge to do this, so get over it or fuck off. What do I care what you think? This is my blog, or something. Whatever. On to the therapy session.
First off, let me state that apparently my medication is working. I haven't had any anxiety attacks or panic symptoms in a month. So, in that, huzzah! The downside is that I'm tired a lot of the time. The upside is that when I can feel it working, I CAN FEEL IT WORKING. I'm usually a pretty chipper guy when the meds are in effect. When they wear off, you can tell. I get quiet, contemplative, and grumbly.
This leads me to my second topic. I'm not sure if it's the meds or not, but lately, I've been having these dreams, and not the sort that I usually have. I keep dreaming about my dead dogs. I keep dreaming that they're alive and well and I just feel so fucking happy. This has led me to a couple of conclusions. Either I'm crazy, which is highly likely, or I desperately want animal companionship. I miss having a dog. I miss having a pet. I find myself wanting to get a dog pretty badly. Like, so badly that I want to move away from where I live simply because they won't allow me to own a dog. However, I don't want to move. The stupid suggestion of moving to another state is retarded and pointless, but that's a whole different pile of body parts. So, no dog for me. I'm sad.
Granted, I HAD contemplated moving away. I had considered moving off to Tex-Ass, but then I really thought it out. What for? Honestly? Yes, my sister and her husband are there, and those two are like my best friends. But at the same time, I can't just expect that I can thunder on down there and expect things to be like they were here. Sure, my son's mother is there, but that's just a dead horse at this point. I understand that it would be good for him and his mom to be nearer to each other, but I'm not sure if that's good for me. With the way I've been feeling lately, the distance is good.
That being said, medicated or not, I think I'll choose to remain distant. Honestly, I'm tired of trying to close the gap and having the ledge pull away each time I leap.
First off, let me state that apparently my medication is working. I haven't had any anxiety attacks or panic symptoms in a month. So, in that, huzzah! The downside is that I'm tired a lot of the time. The upside is that when I can feel it working, I CAN FEEL IT WORKING. I'm usually a pretty chipper guy when the meds are in effect. When they wear off, you can tell. I get quiet, contemplative, and grumbly.
This leads me to my second topic. I'm not sure if it's the meds or not, but lately, I've been having these dreams, and not the sort that I usually have. I keep dreaming about my dead dogs. I keep dreaming that they're alive and well and I just feel so fucking happy. This has led me to a couple of conclusions. Either I'm crazy, which is highly likely, or I desperately want animal companionship. I miss having a dog. I miss having a pet. I find myself wanting to get a dog pretty badly. Like, so badly that I want to move away from where I live simply because they won't allow me to own a dog. However, I don't want to move. The stupid suggestion of moving to another state is retarded and pointless, but that's a whole different pile of body parts. So, no dog for me. I'm sad.
Granted, I HAD contemplated moving away. I had considered moving off to Tex-Ass, but then I really thought it out. What for? Honestly? Yes, my sister and her husband are there, and those two are like my best friends. But at the same time, I can't just expect that I can thunder on down there and expect things to be like they were here. Sure, my son's mother is there, but that's just a dead horse at this point. I understand that it would be good for him and his mom to be nearer to each other, but I'm not sure if that's good for me. With the way I've been feeling lately, the distance is good.
That being said, medicated or not, I think I'll choose to remain distant. Honestly, I'm tired of trying to close the gap and having the ledge pull away each time I leap.
"So say we all..."
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