So, not much has really happened since my last update. I went to the hospital Monday night for what I thought was an allergic reaction to my antidepressant. I was wrong. Turns out it was an adverse reaction from the antidepressant to my acid-reflux medication. The two of those combined said, "Nuh uh! You're gonna have a bad night!"
So, I'm not on that medication anymore. They've moved me over into tranquilizer land. I'm part of the Xanax family now. Yay. I can honestly say that it works. Once the medication kicks in, anxiety and everything else just goes away. I drift off into sleepy land.
Aside from that fun stuff, I made a blog to record my dreams as I remember them:
The past couple of days for me have been a little down. I've cut back on the medication I was on because I don't believe that it's really what I needed. The doctors keep giving me different prescriptions in order to find something that they think will work, but so far, they've had no luck.
Anyway, I've been in a bit of a funk for the last few days. I've recently transferred out of a store I've worked at for over a year and back to a store that's closer to home. The pros are that I'm closer to home and it'll save me gas. The cons are that I'm away from something I became familiar with over the course of my time there. I got used to the customer base. I got used to the location. I got used to the people. And I'm gonna miss some of that. I don't really like change. In fact, it outright upsets me.
So, with that change going on, and the change in medication every so often, my mental state is in somewhat of a fucked flux. At some times, I'm fine. Some times I'm a little loopy. Some times, like now, I'm pretty down. I've got that feeling of being unwanted, unneeded, unnecessary and undesirable. It doesn't help that I really have no one to talk to anymore. I guess that's one thing that always balanced out the negativity in my mind. Of course, I understand why I don't have anyone to talk to, and that's because life moves on. No one can stay in the same place forever, no matter how much I want. So, now I'm just dealing with life on my own. Myself and my son who, as much as I love him and he loves me, isn't really the best conversationalist. He keeps me sane, and insane at the same time. That's the life of a parent, I guess.
On the note of the above, I've been having a lot of dog dreams lately. I'm not sure where they're all coming from, other than the fact that I want a dog. I dunno. I guess it falls back on the desire to be needed. And yes, I know that my son needs me, and he will always have me until one of these medications kills me. But still, who doesn't want a cuddly little ball of fluff and adoration?
Hopefully this new medication (once I can afford to get it) will do the trick. I hate feeling like this, and having no expressive outlet. Anyway, on to the end of the post.
