This whole situation has affected my behavior greatly. I've evolved from 'The Bastard' into 'The Asshole'. I used to be kind of a dick towards people by making comments and such that were jokingly mean. Now, I'm just a flat out asshole. I don't care what people think about me. I'm not out to build relationships. I'm not out to make anyone happy. I'm just out to live my sad little life and get what happiness I want out of it. For me, that involves making myself and my son happy. That is all. Occasionally, I will take someone along and work towards their happiness, if it benefits me. And there I go being an asshole again. Deal with it.
I started into a discussion at work the other day when one of the girls called me a pervert for making a joking comment. I flat out told her that guys are sexual beasts. We think about sex almost constantly. If you're around for more than 30 seconds, we've probably thought about having sex with you. If we haven't, then we either weren't paying attention, or you aren't the type of the thinker. Nothing personal, but that's how it is. So, that's probably why I don't have many female friends anymore.
Aside from that, I have unreasonably high standards for everything. I expect what I want, when I want it, and if that doesn't happen, then I begin to wonder why I expected that I would get what I wanted in the first place. It's unfair to the world around me, but that's how I am. I won't change. I'll be 33 in about a month. It's a little late to start worrying about changing behavioral patterns. I'll just be a bitter asshole towards the world and save the little bit of caring I have for Phoenix.
That said, Phoenix is growing like a thing that grows fast and well. His school has been a great experience for him, sickness aside. He's learned a lot and made some friends. I don't really like his teacher. I think she's an alcoholic prostitute or something. Sometimes I wonder if she's just teaching the class as some sort of community service. But anyway, he likes her and until that changes, I'll keep my mouth shut.
The seasons are changing and warmer weather is coming soon. With the warmer weather comes many things that may brighten my mood. First off is the ability to get outside and use my cameras again! Photography is always a bright point of my day. Downside is when I can't find a decent subject to capture. I'm bitchy like that. I want to capture an image the way I see it in my head. If I can't, well... brooding artists and all that.
I wish I could just find some decent models. And no, I'm not just referring to women. Though, a few of those would help a lot, mainly because everything else I photograph does what it wants, when it wants. At least I could suggest things to the female model, even though she'd likely disregard it. Such is the life of a photographer. Bah.
And, because I'm rambling on and it's time for me to crash, I'll end this here. I'll probably be doing more posts soon since I remembered the login information here. So, until then, enjoy some Olivia Wilde hotness!
"So say we all..."
